"You don't have to correct me so much, just let me learn on my own."
Famous last words
As I'm recovering from a three day long bout with a parasitical infection called amoebiasis, I'm wishing I could take those words back. Adjusting to life here in Kenya has been difficult for me, not because the way of life is hard, but because my head is hard. I want to learn so much about my husband's culture, but I don't like being told what to do. Ray is the least overbearing person I know and he can correct me in the most gentle way, but I'll still cop an attitude when he tells me I'm doing something contrary to the customs of his culture. As many of you can already tell, that's nothing but pride. Big, fat, stinking pride.
Temper tantrums and pity parties
My pride rose up in a big way this past Sunday as we were preparing for church, of all things. Just before we left the house, I was informed that the dress I was wearing was too short. Don't ask me why, but that was my breaking point. I quietly closed Ray and myself in the room, threw my phone, spat a swear word or two, and flung my dress back into the suitcase. Ray calmly told me that I wouldn't be going anywhere with an attitude like that, and I happily agreed. He left for church, and I stayed at the house throwing a pity party for one. Thankfully there's this entity called the Holy Spirit that lives in me, so I couldn't stay that way for long. I spent some time praying, as Ray had requested before he left, and then I listened to a sermon I had qued a few days prior. Ironically enough, it was about relationships, forgiveness, and the extending of grace.
Bad decisions prevail
After the message ended, Ray sent me a text letting me know that he would be home a bit later. I had no airtime on my phone so I couldn't text him back to tell him that I wanted to leave, so I just packed my bookbag and headed out. I knew he'd be upset if he discovered I was gone and didn't tell him where I was going, but I didn't mind. Prior to that day I'd never gone out alone, but I just wanted to be a big girl and do something all by myself, so I walked to town and stopped at a hotel that we had visited a few times in the past. I thought I had ordered something safe to eat, but the waitress didn't quite understand me and brought some boiled carrots and peas, which I didn't ask for. If Ray had been there, he wouldn't have let me eat that, but I didn't know any better, so I happily chowed down. For all the trouble it caused, I wish it would've tasted better.
Rumblings down under
That evening, after I had repented and Ray and I reconciled, I began to feel a little... off. The next day I was stuck to the bed, unless I was running to the bathroom, which happened every ten minutes or so. In the up country people go to the hospital immediately once they exhibit symptoms like this because they never know if it's malaria or typhoid or some other serious disease. The family urged me to go to the hospital, but I still wanted to express my independence, so I told them I'd be all right. The next morning things were not all right, so to the hospital we went. It turns out that I had ingested some amoeba as I was proudly asserting my independence from my husband. I paid dearly for it too. I've never felt worse in my life.
Lessons learned
Whenever I would complain about being corrected, Ray would tell me that he only did it because he loved me and was trying to make life easier for me. I heard him, but I didn't hear him until now. We lost over 5,000 ksh in medical expenses and I lost a lot of *ahem* fluids, and it was all because of my bad decision. Even so, Ray acted as though none of that mattered and he cared for me in such a loving and gentle way. He refused to leave the house while I was sick and spent every day in the bed with me consoling me, feeding me, and helping me go to the bathroom. He loved me as Christ loves His Church; he taught me what real love looks like, and it spoke volumes to me and really helped to heal my heart. So often I treat God the same way and He responds in the same manner as my husband. Sometimes I wish I didn't feel the need to test them so much. I wish I could just trust them when they tell me "No". Believe you me, this was a hard lesson, but I think it's finally starting to get through my head.
Famous last words
As I'm recovering from a three day long bout with a parasitical infection called amoebiasis, I'm wishing I could take those words back. Adjusting to life here in Kenya has been difficult for me, not because the way of life is hard, but because my head is hard. I want to learn so much about my husband's culture, but I don't like being told what to do. Ray is the least overbearing person I know and he can correct me in the most gentle way, but I'll still cop an attitude when he tells me I'm doing something contrary to the customs of his culture. As many of you can already tell, that's nothing but pride. Big, fat, stinking pride.
Temper tantrums and pity parties
My pride rose up in a big way this past Sunday as we were preparing for church, of all things. Just before we left the house, I was informed that the dress I was wearing was too short. Don't ask me why, but that was my breaking point. I quietly closed Ray and myself in the room, threw my phone, spat a swear word or two, and flung my dress back into the suitcase. Ray calmly told me that I wouldn't be going anywhere with an attitude like that, and I happily agreed. He left for church, and I stayed at the house throwing a pity party for one. Thankfully there's this entity called the Holy Spirit that lives in me, so I couldn't stay that way for long. I spent some time praying, as Ray had requested before he left, and then I listened to a sermon I had qued a few days prior. Ironically enough, it was about relationships, forgiveness, and the extending of grace.
Bad decisions prevail
After the message ended, Ray sent me a text letting me know that he would be home a bit later. I had no airtime on my phone so I couldn't text him back to tell him that I wanted to leave, so I just packed my bookbag and headed out. I knew he'd be upset if he discovered I was gone and didn't tell him where I was going, but I didn't mind. Prior to that day I'd never gone out alone, but I just wanted to be a big girl and do something all by myself, so I walked to town and stopped at a hotel that we had visited a few times in the past. I thought I had ordered something safe to eat, but the waitress didn't quite understand me and brought some boiled carrots and peas, which I didn't ask for. If Ray had been there, he wouldn't have let me eat that, but I didn't know any better, so I happily chowed down. For all the trouble it caused, I wish it would've tasted better.
Rumblings down under
That evening, after I had repented and Ray and I reconciled, I began to feel a little... off. The next day I was stuck to the bed, unless I was running to the bathroom, which happened every ten minutes or so. In the up country people go to the hospital immediately once they exhibit symptoms like this because they never know if it's malaria or typhoid or some other serious disease. The family urged me to go to the hospital, but I still wanted to express my independence, so I told them I'd be all right. The next morning things were not all right, so to the hospital we went. It turns out that I had ingested some amoeba as I was proudly asserting my independence from my husband. I paid dearly for it too. I've never felt worse in my life.
Lessons learned
Whenever I would complain about being corrected, Ray would tell me that he only did it because he loved me and was trying to make life easier for me. I heard him, but I didn't hear him until now. We lost over 5,000 ksh in medical expenses and I lost a lot of *ahem* fluids, and it was all because of my bad decision. Even so, Ray acted as though none of that mattered and he cared for me in such a loving and gentle way. He refused to leave the house while I was sick and spent every day in the bed with me consoling me, feeding me, and helping me go to the bathroom. He loved me as Christ loves His Church; he taught me what real love looks like, and it spoke volumes to me and really helped to heal my heart. So often I treat God the same way and He responds in the same manner as my husband. Sometimes I wish I didn't feel the need to test them so much. I wish I could just trust them when they tell me "No". Believe you me, this was a hard lesson, but I think it's finally starting to get through my head.